I totally missed the link in that post. Whoops :<
So glad there's just a program to help with this. When I 'jailbroke' Fallout 3 to work on Windows 7 it was a nightmare of mods and patches. Then again, it was specifically Fallout's problem that that needed to be done in the first place... Pretty sure it's the opposite case with this issue. I'll try out the LAA program and see if it works. I'll edit this post if I get any results.
As for the stdout.txt just cutting off at a point, it actually does
not get through the repeated bits. It literally just cuts off partway through another 'repeated event name' error; all it says on the line is "ERROR: Repeated Eve", and then it just stops. It's preceded by exactly 20 other 'repeat errors' for the same event, "NEBULA_SLUG_CHOOSE_DEATH". Curiously, the txt seems to cut off at a different part every time I patch through SMM, and I'm not really sure what that means. Actually, it may just cut off at a different part whenever I try to load the game... I should test that.
I should also note, just for posterity's sake, that I have the GOG version of FTL, not the Steam version, so I haven't actually been able to validate my game files either. Doubtful that would help much, but it's something to note regardless.
EDIT: It totally worked! All I had to do was jailbreak it! \o<o/
My, it sure takes a fat chunk of memory to work... But who cares

Thank you for the help!