The United Federation - An FTL Space Odyssey

[JoeyCorpCEO]

The United Federation - An FTL Space Odyssey

Prologue

The years before the rebellion were the most difficult the men, women, and creatures of the various species making up the United Federation had ever faced. The mess of galactic politics, miniature uprisings, and the escalation of multiple human extremist groups into power all proved to be more and more difficult for the limited power of the Federation to deal with, nonetheless with not very adequate results. More and more colonies all across various civilian sectors started to revolt against the United Federation in their own ways, some ceasing trade and others going to such extremes as to bomb entire Federation hangar bays, racking up more and more casualties and inevitably forcing the Federation to pull out of some sectors altogether. With the number of loyal colonies dwindling daily, the United Federation now began to find itself more and more alone in a hostile universe. Things could not possibly get any worse for these poor souls that only wanted equality for all.
But then came the rebellion.
A large armada of like-minded human extremists who believed that the human race ascended all others took the opportunity to strike while the Federation was at its weakest. The resulting war was absolutely horrifying. Entire Federation fleets were obliterated at the hands of the merciless rebels. The casualties grew into the hundreds of thousands, resulting in many innocent lives being taken; innocent lives that only knew of a hostile universe that hated them.
The limited firepower of the forsaken Federation was quickly losing in a galactic struggle for ultimate supremacy. They desperately needed a plan other than holding a line that they would inevitably lose to the seemingly invincible rebel fleet. The only plans they could devise were utterly suicidal, but the Federation was running out of time. Rumors had it that the rebel fleet DID in fact have a weakness, but what it was was unknown to anyone but the rebels themselves. It would be a long-shot, but if a team of elite Federation operatives were to go deep into rebel territory and steal the data from the rebel armada, the Federation would finally stand a chance of winning a treacherous war and proving to the galaxy that it is capable of protecting them.
But the question was: Who would volunteer for this suicide mission to end all suicide missions?

Chapter 1

Captain Logan Hurtz of the U.F. Exelta reclined his chair back, staring at the dark ceiling of the dimly illuminated cockpit. He was deep in thought, thinking about the pride that he felt when he volunteered his ship and his own life for this suicide mission on which he was now embarked, and the terror that he felt minutes later that at any moment his and countless other lives could instantly perish if he were to fail this mission. This was the most important thing he would ever do in his life, and perhaps it would be the last thing, too. What he was most glad about was the strong, selfless crew that would be sharing this perilous mission with him.

Logan was piloting a ship with a diverse crew that represented the United Federation and its diverse population. Kapalka, a rockman that was one of very little to leave Vrachos IV during the golden age of the Federation due to the belief that it was better to stand united and tall as a Federation than shun all other species than theirselves. To Logan, Kapalka was a very humbling giant willing to sacrifice his life to bring an end to the rebel hostilities.
Next, there was ensign Tuskarr, a mantis born and raised in a Federation military colony on the outskirts of Mantis Space. Although very young and thick-headed, Tuskarr willingly signed onto the suicide mission ready to crush some rebel skulls. His serious nature and willingness to fight make him the perfect soldier, at least in Logan's eyes.
Finally, Logan's thoughts switched to the last crew member: an Engi named Aor. Logan was never really sure where Aor came from or what his history was, all he knew was that he was an expert in engineering and an invaluable asset to the team.

Logan's thoughts were interrupted by the beeping of the intercom terminal. He opened his eyes and reclined his chair back into the proper piloting position. Answering the intercom, the deep voice of Kapalka broke the silence. "Captain, the FTL drive is charged up and ready to jump. I'm sure that it should not malfunction again, as Aor just completed a full diagnostics scan and repairs. It said that the malfunction most likely occurred from the same blast that took the shields down when we were hit by the rebel assault ship. It said that we were lucky to get out of the rebel FOB alive after retrieving the data."
It was true. It was a miracle that they were still alive, even moreso that they had the important data in their hands. However, things would only get harder, as now the rebel fleet was in full pursuit of the Exelta and they were a long ways from the remains of the Federation fleet.
Hurtz replied, "Roger that, Sergeant. Keep those engines stabilized and prepare for FTL." The captain closed the intercom terminal and, like a machine, jumped into action. Throttling the engines to full power and engaging the FTL drive, the U.F. Exelta jumped out of the system.

Tuskarr awoke with a start. Crawling out of his Federation-standard Mantis bed, he stepped out into the hallway. The hallway lights were still dim, which meant that the rest of the crew was still asleep. Walking over to the nearest window, he looked out. FTL was still engaged, which made all the stars look like dust particles whizzing past. Tuskarr was somewhat relieved, yet anxious. Tuskarr knew for a fact that soon enough there would be action, and he would have to fight to the best of his abilities to ensure the rest of his crew survives, having received the most combat training of the entire group and being a mantis, a natural killer. But what if he let his guys down? Tuskarr, having the least experience in the United Federation of the whole group, asides from Aor whom no one really knew about, felt that if anything went wrong, it would be his fault. But most of all, Tuskarr was afraid of death. Why would he, a mantis, fear such a thing? He couldn't talk to any of the other crew members about his feelings, as he felt he needed to keep his pride gig going if he were to receive any respect. If the others knew how much of a wimpy mantis he really was, they would surely shun him, right?
Right?
Tuskarr just couldn't do it anymore. He needed to at least find out if any of the others shared his feelings about this suicide mission. Scampering down the hallway towards the cockpit, Tuskarr arrived at the double door. Slowly bringing up his sharp, blade-like arm, he poked the red door control button to the right. The double doors opened and, just as he suspected, the captain was wide awake, maintaining the ship's systems and keeping everything functional while in FTL. To Tuskarr, this 'human' was the prime example of the perfect Federation captain: hard working, selfless, and most importantly, not afraid to go down with his ship.
Without even turning his head, captain Hurtz spoke. "Good morning, Tuskarr. You're up mighty early. We still have another hour or so until we arrive at the next beacon. D'you need anything?" Tuskarr walked up to the left of the captains chair and looked at the mess of computer screens and holographic displays. How anybody could understand all this stuff was far beyond him. Tuskarr spoke, not averting his eyes from the displays: it was mantis tradition to avoid direct eye contact with someone they felt had more honor than themselves (with the exception of enemies, of course.) "Actually, ssssssir, I am here to assssk you a quessssstion, if you would not mind." Hurtz replied, "Of course I don't mind. What are you looking to discuss?"
After a short pause, Tuskarr spoke. "Are you afraid of death?"
The captain quickly replied, "Yes. It's what makes me human, I suppose."
"Then doessss that make me a human, too?"
There was a short pause. Logan finally replied.
"If you think that by being a mantis you shouldn't be afraid of death, you are wrong, my friend. I have known many great mantis men throughout my life, and I have to say that your kind is strong, noble, and always capable of doing the right thing under the right circumstances."
And so the two carried on their conversation for a whole hour. The more Tuskarr spoke with the captain, the more confidence he had in his capabilities and the prouder he was to have such a captain as his own. Finally, he found himself back in his quarters, drifting off to sleep to get some shut eye for the last thirty minutes of the FTL jump. His last thoughts that day were "I am proud to fight for this ship."

The lights that illuminated the interior of the U.F. Exelta brightened, and the ten-second emergency alarm blared. Immediately, all crew got out of their quarters and ran to their battle stations. They were being attacked.
The captain shouted through the intercom, "Tuskarr! Power up the burst lasers!"
"Kapalka, prepare the engines for evasive maneuvers!" Both requests were met with a, "Roger that!"
Ahead of them was a zoltan-class Pirate Fighter fitted with ion weaponry capable of taking down shields and a laser weapon which would do a lot of damage to their ship if it hit. Hurtz was thinking quickly.
Suddenly, the shields wheezed and Hurtz heard a robotic voice speak through the intercom, "Our shields are down!"
"Shit, Aor, do what you can! We might get hit by something here."
Closing the intercom, the captain started to veer the ship to the right to perhaps dodge the incoming laser, but to no avail. The sharp sound of metal being pierced blasted from behind the cockpit. The engines groaned, dropping to 50% functionality on Hurtz' system scanners.
The engines had been hit.
Instantly, Tuskarr heard through the intercom, "Open fire! Target their weapons!"
Tuskarr launched the first barrage of laser projectiles towards the enemy ships weapons systems, watching as the first projectile takes down the shields and the final two both directly hit the ship, effectively taking down their weapons.
Suddenly, the captain saw a communications request originating from the enemy ship. Slowly reaching to accept it, he heard a frantic voice screaming, "We surrender! Take one of our slaves as tribute! If our ship is destroyed, you'll be killing many innocent lives..."
Damn this slaver scum, thought Logan. The captain discussed with the rest of the crew over the intercom after ordering a ceasefire with weapons locked on the enemy ship, finally coming to a conclusion.
Everyone was in favor of having an extra crew member.
And so, after sparing the ship, the zoltan-cruiser kept their word and launched a small shuttle to dock with the Exelta. Out of it stepped an Engi completely identical to Aor in every way, except with a darker visor. He greeted the others and said his name was Ma Fan. After an awkward greeting, it was settled that Ma Fan would work in door control to impede the progress of any boarding crews. Ma Fan seemed alright, so the crew operated as it normally would.
Aor seemed to get along very well with Ma Fan.

After undocking with the shuttle, the U.F. Exelta jumped out of the system

To be continued...

[stylesrj]

I find this story to be some real inspiring stuff (Although I probably say that about everything)

Although I do have some criticisms and a bit of advice (but don't take my word for it)

I've been told a sci-fi story needs a viewpoint character who has little idea how the world works so that everyone can dump information on them to help build the world and the story. FTL's got a rather simple story that is in need of fleshing out.

I don't know much as I didn't take any writing courses. I just write things that come straight out my foolish meatsack brain and I have trouble re-reading things to find the subtle matters.

On that note of foolish meatsacks, Tuskarr the Mantis sounds like a good character for the role of the viewpoint character, judging by his longer paragraph than everyone else.
I say focus on him. Don't make the mistake of focusing too much on the Captain. For some reason everyone's pretty much got the same "Generic Space Captain" archetype for their Captain. Except perhaps Ghosts of the Federation:

viewtopic.php?f=8&t=22390 (by SmoothPapaJ)

And To Tread Amongst Gods:

viewtopic.php?f=8&t=25986 (By Stealthblanket)

I like both stories (except perhaps the latter one's rather WTF ending) and the Captain isn't "Shining example of Federation perfection."
If that's what you're going for though so you can focus on the other characters, that's actually a good idea too. Focus on the crew who makes the ship go, not the guy who barks orders to make the ship go. If it worked for the West Wing (or was going to) then it's plausible.

I'd recommend my own fanfic for ideas but that would be advertising my ulterior motives. (Guys, I need criticism too!)

tl;dr Good story, hard to determine direction. Needs a set viewpoint character and I'm a foolish meatsack.

[Spikky]

the Federation would finally stand a chance of winning a treacherous war and proving to the galaxy that it is capable of protecting them.
But the question was: Who would volunteer for this suicide mission to end all suicide missions?

[JoeyCorpCEO]

Thank you for your feedback, stylesjr. I'm glad that the lengthy introductional info thing that I spent a whole while on turned out to be adequate, as I was trying my best at keeping it as close to the beloved FTL prologue that we all hold true.
This work of writing has been rather experimental for me, as I've been trying different perspectives than I've previously done in other works of fiction I've done in the past. Although I do agree that Tuskarr the mantis would be a totally grand character to serve as the viewpoint character, I'm working towards a kind of well-rounded story that constantly switches between the different perspectives of the various crew members, which would make the story ever more expansive and tasteful. As you said, it's best to have a character that has little understanding but I'm working on the story specifically so that, yes, certain key information will be thrown out there through omniscient narration, but the best and most heartfelt parts of the story would slowly be uncovered as you slowly learn more about the different crew members as you see the world in their shoes.
I can understand how it would be difficult to see the direction the story is headed, and I for sure would be clueless if I wasn't the bloke hand-crafting the story; that is definitely certain. However, my aim for these first couple of chapters are for primarily character development, with subtle advancements in the FTL storyline. It will escalate for sure once it has reached that key point in the story, but for now I'm aiming to develop the characters so that the bond between the reader and the characters are real. Don't worry; I will try my best to make it as spicy and interesting as possible, so you don't find yourself yawning as you read entire walls of text describing a character's morals, etc.

Again, thank you for your feedback and I pray that these anomalies present in my story shan't deter you from it entirely.
Your story is a masterpiece on a whole new level and I strive for my fanfiction to one day have the renowned success that your's has.

[stylesrj]

This work of writing has been rather experimental for me, as I've been trying different perspectives than I've previously done in other works of fiction I've done in the past.

I used to write stories in the first person perspective. I was reading a lot of Ciaphas Cain and I liked the style of writing. I also thought First Person was good for having a character who's not very smart to be thrust into a world full of people more intelligent than they were and not actually have to show their intelligence (as the protagonist could cover it as technical rubbish they didn't get).

Then I realised "I can do that in third person"

As you said, it's best to have a character that has little understanding but I'm working on the story specifically so that, yes, certain key information will be thrown out there through omniscient narration, but the best and most heartfelt parts of the story would slowly be uncovered as you slowly learn more about the different crew members as you see the world in their shoes.

I think there was a thing about showing and not telling e.g Why the Narrator Thinks Rebels Are Bad:

Everyone knew the Rebellion was wrong and it had to be stopped there was no other way this was going to end for our heroes. The crew gathered and they all nodded in agreement with this sentiment before the Slug offered a drink. No one wanted to drink it though because Slugs were known to be very greedy beings.

Compared to Why The Crew Thinks Rebels Are Bad:

"I think the Rebellion are really bad people" said the Ensign "They killed my family! They killed all our families!"
"We won't forget that! We must destroy them!" the Captain shouted in agreement.
"Affirmative" the Engi added in their monotone.
"Righteous stuff mate!" the Zoltan said in an odd accent.
"We shall kill those foolish meatsacks!" the Mantis exclaimed, clicking his claws in excitement.
"Metal!" the Lanius remarked, opening his mouth several times "Hungry!"
"Letsss have a drink to thiss!" the Slug said, offering a glass of something slimy.
"No" the Rock grunted, knocking the glass aside "Greedy bastard."

Then again, sometimes the story needs to move on and there's another saying about "less is more" so either one works

I guess I like the conversation between Logan and Tuskarr a lot. I think a person explaining their motives and their beliefs clicks a lot better than being told why they believe that way.

Again, thank you for your feedback and I pray that these anomalies present in my story shan't deter you from it entirely.
Your story is a masterpiece on a whole new level and I strive for my fanfiction to one day have the renowned success that your's has.

Thanks.
When I write, I tend to look at other works and go "Why didn't I think of that before"

I do look forward to the next chapter, but there's no need to rush anything. There isn't a Rebel fleet chasing you