The Misadventures of The Flying Nun!

[Sai Crimson]

I started a journey(my first!) today, with a 3 man crew into the great black thing that is space.

For a joke, I named two of the little guys after my brother and I. When choosing the third's name I decided on Sparks McGee. I thought it'd be amusing to see how far our little doppelgangers get, so I could tell my bro in what way he died, while I did nothing to save him. While relegating the stories to him, he suggested I send them to the internet as well.

So, here we are with the tale of three souls (two of them brave), part of the crew of The Flying Nun.

Captain Edward is me, Joshua is my bro and Sparks McGee is from http://sparksmcgeeadventures.tumblr.com. Probably copyright by Wil Wheaton, but I also sent him these ridiculous journal entries, so maybe that'll even things out.

FYI, I'm just copy/pasting these from the message board I pasted them to, with cheesy dialogue still intact. I apologize in advance for the poor formatting, I am generally terrible at this stuff.

Any dialogue will be looking like this bit of stuff here.


Sparks McGee for Supreme Space Admiral! or; A Long and Uninteresting Tale without any kind of romance or drama, so don't bother reading it‏.
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FTL Jump 1: Everything is all set, so lets head into the great expanse of space! To boldly go and do things, until we can get this message to the Federation!

Jump to FTL now, McGee!

*gasperasp!*

Somebody placed the FTL buoy too close to a gas giant, and now we are being engaged by a pirate vessel! All hands get to the gun things, before we burn alive!

I fire up the weapons systems and send the disposable one, Josh to the weapons room thing. McGee goes and stands in the door control place, since I dunno what to do with him yet. I just sit in the pilot seat and stare into space.

Once the weapons finish charging, I lock onto the engines and shields of the pirate and fire lasers and torpedoes at them. Both hits are successful, and they attempt to jump to FTL to escape!

Alas, the sun flings molten death upon us all, and a hull breach appears near the airlocks. Its wreckin' my damn ship! The pirates, however, take the full force of the blast without shield power, and promptly become space debris.
I quickly send somebody else to repair the breach, and he (Josh) bursts into flames as the flare ignites the weapons room he occupies. He manages to power the systems down, and put out the flames, and we jump to FTL.

Damn I'm good. Captain out.

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FTL Jump 2: Well, there were some difficult decisions to be made, but I made 'em. Its not my fault, but...

Upon exiting FTL we ran into a Rebel Outpost of some sort inside of a nebula, with an automated defense ship protecting it. Of course, we rushed to do battle with the robotic Rebel scum. Quickly things went downhill.

The fires I thought Josh had succeeded in killing were in-fact coming from an adjacent room, and they returned and burned him to ash. I bravely left my post at the pilot chair to combat these flames with Sparks McGee. It was a hard battle.

We had to stand in a room next to the door control room, and found we had access to a Medbay. McGee promptly used some supplies to fix his slightly crispy limbs, and I bravely waited out the fire which was being fought for us by lack of oxygen. The red beast had crawled throughout 90% of the ship, and O2 was down to 20% before we won.

Quickly we rushed to the weapons room and scattered the ashes of our fallen comrade by running through them, and set to work fixing the broken stuff in there. Suddenly we had lasers and torps' up, and set to work firing them into the Rebel ship. It blew up pretty quickly, due to my great skill, and then we fixed the other broken systems.

Sensors are now up, as is the door control room, weapons and engines. After all the excitement we cracked open the Rebel station only to find some scrap metal and some other things that I forgot to document when added to the inventory. Hopefully they are torpedoes, we used a lot of those already. A few hours later, and we finish installing the new fire proof doors, and dedicate them to Joshua. May the fires of Hell never mar his smooth, nearly translucent skin.

Well, McGee is repairing himself in the medbay, and I'm jumping to FTL now.

Captain out.
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FTL Jump 13: Had to skip the 'jump journal' for a while, things have been hectic. Every FTL we did brought us straight to some pirates or other hostile ships.

Great. That is just great. Once again, thrust into battle with pirate ships, but this time with a twist. Turns out there is a plasma storm sapping the strength from the reactors. We're at half power, O2 systems are offline, as are shields and the medbay.

Too make matters even worse, enemies are teleporting onto the ship. I stick to piloting and screaming in terror while McGee leads the enemies into the tail end of The Nun, where he ducks into the Oxygen systems area.I kick all the airlocks open, and vent the O2, suffocating the pirates. Not fast enough though, they breach the door and enter battle with Sparks! He rushes into the fight, and punches them in the face, whilst slowly dying from lack of oxygen.

Finally we catch a break, and the pirates succumb before McGee does, allowing him to repair the O2 scrubbers and get us some air.

We jump out of system, spirits dampened. I guess things can get worse, after all.

Captain out.

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FTL Jump 15:

Upon entering this system, we immediately fire up weapons systems in preparation for the inevitable battle. Unfortunately, the battle takes place inside the confines of our Door Control room, as a lone tank droid thing has warped into it! McGee rushes into battle, with me following him. If that thing takes out the doors, we'll all be breathing vacuum quick-like.

The fight is long and painful. Metal plates bruise our dainty fingers and toes as we engage the robot in melee. At the last moment, Sparks steals my kill and delivers the death blow to the metal fiend. We were not prepared for what happened next; the robot exploded in a burst of fire and shrapnel, nearly killing us. We crawled to the medbay to obtain some Band-Aids, while contemplating how to seal the hull-breach. Somehow the life support took a hit, and we are losing air fast. I send McGee to get it running, while I seal the breach with liberal use of furniture and sealant.

While awaiting the FTL drive to charge, I notice the O2 system is fixed, but my eyes flit to the crew status screen, and what I see makes me feel pretty bummed out. I had forgotten to power up the life support after the repair, and Sparks McGee has died in the silent vacuum, probably cursing my name as the light fades from his eyes.

I make a mental note to have him promoted to Supreme Space Admiral upon my return. I even forgo the customary rifling of his pockets, and just send his body into the vastness of space unmolested. Except for his hat, which I keep. See you, Space Cowboy.

Hell. That is assuming I actually return. Just me and The Nun, now. I've never been a religious type , but I couldn't change the name when I got her. Just didn't seem right. Especially since the guy I won her from had no idea I was keeping all those cards in my sleeve.

Captain out.
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I will add some more once I continue my (now very lonely)journey. Questions and comments? Please do!

[Sai Crimson]

The continuing adventures of The Flying Nun. May the darkness never overtake us!


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FTL Jump ??: Been ages since I slept last. Rebels are hot on my tail now, the whole damned fleet it looks like. Should never have stopped to help, I just don't make those kinds of mistakes...

Things are looking up. I made some new friends today. First there is WEPSYS, the weapons AI. He does all the shooting, much better at it than I am but don't tell him I said that. So modest, and a wizard at poker. Must be using the bridge cams to cheat, hmm.

Alarms start blaring and I wake from another fugue state, slowly. Seems a badly damaged Federation ship is being tracked by some Rebels. A glance at the weapons reserves shows we are low on torpedoes again, but I decided to fire some anyways. Well, WEPSYS does, I just glare at the Rebels, hoping to ignite some vital bits with my smoldering hatred.

We take some hits, but nothing serious. The Rebels try and surrender, but WEPSYS isn't taking any of that. NO SURRENDER! They turn into molten slag after the next salvo, and I remind him that they had just offered us 5 torpedoes. Chagrined, he scans for the friendly ship, but we find naught but dust in the wake of the battle.

I dock his pay, and make for the next beacon. Hopefully he acts with more caution in the future.

Captain out.
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FTL Jump something or other:

Mutiny. Honest to goodness mutiny, on my ship.

WEPSYS took great offense to the pay cut he received after that bungled jump, and rallied the ship systems against me. I was able to bribe the helm and autopilot with some little dinosaur toys I keep stashed under my pillow, but they drove a hard bargain. All the good ones are gone, and all that I have left are lame herbivores . Stupid Gastonia.

After a long series of grueling games of chance, all the subsystems had been beaten into submission, and WEPSYS, the traitorous lech, has been purged and flung into the depths of the nebula we were in. It should wipe his memory clean, or at least screw with it, making him trapped, nay, unreadable forever. Corrupted in death, just as he was in life.

Oh, we found a merchant asking for torpedoes in exchange for fuel. Of course he wants torpedoes. Everybody wants those.

Captain(for now) out.
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FTL Jump 54:

Apparently the ship systems keep track of the amount of FTL jumps made, woops. Should never have thrown away that manual...

Things were looking good, and we entered another nebula, of Sector 5. Slug territory, or something along those lines. Never seen a Slug, but figure I have nothing to fear. They only eat leaves and stuff, right?

Suddenly the Medbay goes haywire, and shuts down. I get hailed by a passing Slug ship, who point out the Medbay is filled with radiation now, and warp onboard to help with repairs. I frantically get the medbay working at half power to make the job easier for them, and kick back to watch them work.

Two minutes later they are all dead after I kicked open all the airlocks. They somehow got lost and ended up trying to fix the functioning oxygen systems. After informing them of the error, the then blasted through all the doors towards the engine room. I noticed my grave mistake, and gave them better directions.

A few moments later after the engines went offline I promptly destroyed the unmanned ship they had left behind, and awaited the deaths of the few left alive on my ship. Once all was quiet, I shut the doors and went to the Medbay, where I pondered my situation. I could rush to fix the O2 now, or I could wait in the Medbay in relative safety while the remaining oxygen supplies dwindled to nothing.

As I finished the repairs on the O2 scrubbers, my life flashed before my eyes. I recalled a bit of Earth poetry from my people, made many many years ago. I had time to recite a few lines before the black expanse took hold of me.

Fly by night, away from here
Change my life again
Fly by night, goodbye my dear
My ship isn't coming and I just can't pretend

Moon rise, thoughtful eyes
Staring back at me from the window beside
No fright or hindsight
Leaving behind that empty feeling inside




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FTL Jump 55:

Approaching vector 777/877 at 4000KPH. Bearings nominal. Proceed with OP-1.

A small object jettisons from the back of the Kestral as it passes by a blue gas giant. Hurtling end over end, the slightly man shaped speck flings into the atmosphere and disintegrates upon entry .

OP-1 success. Garbage dumped, OP-2 begins now. Set bearings for dark space.

Engines flare into life as The Flying Nun jumps into FTL, towards the big black expanse, never to be seen by human eyes again.


Acting Captain AUTOP1L0T out.
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The End. Comments and criticism are greatly appreciated!

[Mr.Mafia]

lol!